Frequently asked questions about couples therapy

Should I start by myself and have my partner join me later?

    This is not the ideal way to begin in couples therapy.  For both people to feel comfortable they both must feel that they are understood.  If one person starts then the second person may feel they have a disadvantage.  Ideally a couple begins together and both are ready to work on the relationship. Usually people benefit most from having an individual therapist in addition to doing couples therapy.  Couples therapy is hard work and most of us need a lot of support to change engrained patterns in relationships. 

Do you have a particular approach to couple therapy?

    I am certified in Emotionally Focussed Therapy for Couples and believe wholeheartedly in what it offers couples.  You can click on the link to learn more about EFT for Couples.  There are several reasons that I have chosen this model.  Unlike many approaches to working with couples, EFT is a model of therapy that has sound research behind it demonstrating its effectiveness.  Unlike many theories of psychology, EFT provides both a deep understanding of what is happening in relationship distress and a clear method with which to intervene and relieve that distress.  EFT beautifully explains not only why people who love each other end up distant or conflictual, but also how to help couples change their patterns of relationship and be close again. 

How does it work?

In relationships we get into patterns of interaction that are very powerful and repeat themselves over time.  You may have already noticed that you have the same arguments over and over.  That is how it is for all of us.  The problem comes when that cycle of interaction makes both people feel bad about themselves and each other.  Then no matter how bad the cycle feels, we can’t break free of it.  Over time couples get more distant and the cycle more powerful.  EFT Couples therapy works by helping people to identify the underlying negative cycle that keeps them apart.  Then couples learn how to reach for each other in new ways.